I want to propose something radical.
Not radical because it’s complicated.
Radical because it’s simple.
Here’s the deal.
If you’re an American corporation, you pay 25% of your profits in taxes.
Period.
Not 25% after 700 accountants spend six months figuring out where the profits were made.
Not 25% unless you have the right deduction, depreciation schedule, tax credit, offshore subsidiary or lobbyist.
Did you make a profit?
Yes?
Great.
America gets 25 cents. You keep 75 cents.
And in return, I’m going to give American businesses something enormous.
You’re getting out of the healthcare business.
Completely.
No more negotiating health plans.
No more premiums.
No more annual enrollment circus.
No more figuring out whether Bob in accounting chose the silver plan or the gold plan or whether somebody’s deductible is $3,000.
Why in God’s name is Bob’s gallbladder your responsibility in the first place?
You’re trying to manufacture airplanes, sell groceries, build computers or make pickup trucks.
Go do that.
We’ll handle healthcare.
And look what happens.
Take five enormous American companies: Apple, Microsoft, Amazon, Walmart and ExxonMobil.
Together, using their 2025 numbers as our baseline, they generated roughly $421 billion in pretax profits.
Under a straight 25% tax, that’s about $105 billion in taxes.
Simple.
But now let’s remove their employee healthcare burden.
Our rough model suggests those five companies could save something on the order of $42 billion a year.
That money doesn’t disappear.
It goes straight back onto their income statements.
Suddenly, instead of roughly $421 billion in profits, we’re looking at something closer to $464 billion.
And here’s the beautiful part.
The government doesn’t need another tax to capture some of that money.
The 25% tax already does it.
Twenty-five percent of that additional $42 billion comes right back as corporate tax revenue.
The companies keep the other 75%.
That’s the deal.
Government gets more revenue.
Businesses make more money.
Employees get healthcare.
And American companies get to concentrate on doing whatever the hell they’re actually in business to do.
Look at Walmart.
Walmart employs an enormous number of Americans.
That makes healthcare a massive business expense.
Under our rough model, eliminating that expense could dramatically increase Walmart’s pretax profit.
And what happens when Walmart makes more money?
Under my system, the government automatically makes more money.
No complicated mechanism required.
Walmart makes another dollar?
Twenty-five cents goes to America.
Walmart keeps seventy-five.
I want Walmart to make more money!
I want Apple to make more money.
I want Microsoft to make more money.
I want every small business in America to make more money.
Because under this system, when American businesses win, the American people participate in the win.
That’s capitalism.
And here’s another thing we’ve completely screwed up.
We’ve attached healthcare to employment.
Think about how bizarre that is.
Lose your job?
Congratulations.
At precisely the moment your income disappears, your health insurance can disappear too.
Who designed this system, Satan?
Healthcare should follow the person, not the job.
Then something else happens.
People can change jobs.
People can start businesses.
A 55-year-old who’s dreamed about opening a restaurant for twenty years doesn’t have to say:
“I’d love to do it, but I can’t lose my health insurance.”
A couple can start a company without wondering how they’re going to insure three kids.
Small businesses can compete for employees without having to compete with giant corporations’ healthcare plans.
That’s not socialism killing capitalism.
That’s infrastructure supporting capitalism.
We already understand this concept.
We don’t tell Walmart:
“Congratulations on the new store. You’re responsible for building the interstate.”
We don’t tell Apple:
“You’ve got 80,000 American employees, so you’re going to need your own fire department.”
Microsoft doesn’t operate its own Air Force.
Businesses pay taxes.
Society provides infrastructure.
And a healthy workforce is infrastructure.
So here’s my proposition to corporate America:
I’m going to make your tax bill extraordinarily easy to understand.
You make $100 million in profit?
You owe $25 million.
You keep $75 million.
And I’m going to take healthcare off your books.
No deductions.
No loopholes.
No shell game about whether the profit technically happened in California, Ireland, Singapore or on the damn Moon.
If you’re headquartered in America, we look at your worldwide profit.
Twenty-five percent.
Done.
Now, obviously, before turning this into legislation we’d have to define exactly what constitutes profit, prevent companies from moving their headquarters on paper, and work through international tax treaties.
Those are real issues.
But don’t let the mechanics obscure the idea.
The idea is incredibly simple:
America provides the platform.
Educated workers.
Healthy workers.
Roads.
Ports.
Courts.
Police.
Fire departments.
National defense.
Infrastructure.
Businesses use that platform to create enormous wealth.
Fantastic.
Create as much as you possibly can.
And when you make a profit:
Keep 75%.
Give the country 25%.
And then go make some more.
I’m not trying to punish capitalism.
I’m trying to make capitalism work better.
Because the best tax system isn’t one where corporations lose and government wins.
It’s one where the more successful American businesses become, the more successful America becomes.
That’s the deal.
Twenty-five percent.
Healthcare off your back.
Seventy-five percent is yours.
Now go make a fortune.
I’d deliver the “Why in God’s name is Bob’s gallbladder your responsibility?” line with a long pause afterward. That’s the laugh line that also explains the entire healthcare argument in about eight seconds.
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