The Secret To Happiness

You know, something extraordinary has happened to me.

I’m 69 years old, and I think I’ve just discovered the secret to happiness.

Now, before anybody gets too excited, I’m not claiming I’ve discovered the secret to YOUR happiness.

Hell, I can barely figure out how to operate my television remote.

But I’ve discovered what makes ME happy.

And it’s so ridiculously simple that I’m almost embarrassed it took me 69 years to figure it out.

PARTICIPATION!

That’s it!

Participating in life!

And here’s the crazy part. I’ve been preaching this very thing for months without realizing how profoundly it applies to my own life.

Let me explain.

A few months ago, I started the Truth Party. My message was pretty simple.

America has become a country of spectators.

We sit around watching television, scrolling through our phones, complaining about politicians, complaining about the economy, complaining about everything.

We’re spectators!

And I’ve been telling people, “Stop being spectators. Become citizens!”

Get registered. Vote. Get involved. Participate!

Because democracy doesn’t work unless we participate.

Well, guess what?

Neither does life!

And it took me 69 years to figure that out.

Now, I’ve been running around Greensboro interviewing people for my thousand-person interview project.

I want to understand what people love about Greensboro, what they don’t like, what they would change, and what they envision for our city’s future.

But something unexpected started happening.

I started having the time of my life!

I’m talking to complete strangers.

And not just the usual, “Hey, how you doing? Nice weather we’re having.”

No!

I’m asking people about their lives.

Their experiences. Their dreams. Their disappointments.

I’m peeling back the layers of the onion, trying to discover who they really are.

And people are opening up!

It’s absolutely extraordinary.

Let me give you an example.

The other night, I’m at an open mic, and I meet this wonderful young woman named Ashley.

She’s a pianist and a performer.

We have a terrific conversation. I interview her, and we really connect.

The next morning, I go to one of my favorite breakfast places, Mayam.

I’m sitting at the bar, and I strike up a conversation with this guy named Willie.

Turns out he’s a musician.

He plays the piano!

And I’m thinking, well, isn’t that interesting? I just met another pianist last night.

So we’re talking, laughing, having a wonderful time.

And then Willie casually mentions that his roommate is a pianist.

Her name?

ASHLEY!

Are you kidding me?!

I almost fell off my barstool!

We both started laughing.

And suddenly, something changed.

We weren’t two strangers sitting at a breakfast counter anymore.

We were connected.

And that connection made both of us feel good.

Now, I know Greensboro isn’t New York City, but come on!

There are nearly 300,000 people here!

What are the odds?

And then it hit me.

The more people I meet, the smaller the world becomes.

And the smaller the world becomes, the more connected I feel.

And the more connected I feel, the happier I become.

Holy shit!

I think I’m onto something!

And here’s where it gets really interesting.

For most of my life, like most Americans, I worked hard.

I built a career.

I made money.

I bought things.

And somewhere along the way, I think I absorbed this idea that happiness was something you acquired.

Get a better job.

Make more money.

Buy a nicer car.

Get a bigger house.

And when you’ve accomplished all that, congratulations!

You’re supposed to be happy!

Well, I’ve got news for you.

I’ve been living on less money lately than I have in years.

And you know what?

I don’t miss buying things nearly as much as I thought I would.

Now, don’t misunderstand me.

I still need money.

My mortgage company has absolutely no interest in my spiritual awakening!

I can’t call the electric company and say, “Listen, I’ve discovered the secret to happiness. How about we forget this month’s bill?”

They’re going to say, “Congratulations, John. Your electricity will be disconnected Friday.”

So yes, money matters.

We all need enough to live safely and comfortably.

But what I’m discovering is that money and happiness are not the same thing.

Some of the happiest moments I’ve experienced lately haven’t cost me a dime.

A conversation with a stranger.

A shared laugh.

Someone telling me a story they’ve never told anybody else.

Someone looking me in the eye and realizing that I’m genuinely interested in what they have to say.

That’s powerful stuff.

And here’s the beautiful part.

I’m getting as much out of these conversations as the people I’m talking to.

Maybe more!

At first, I wondered whether that was selfish.

Am I doing this because I want to help people?

Or because it makes ME feel so damn good?

And then I realized something.

Why can’t it be both?

Why can’t helping someone else feel important make me feel good, too?

Why can’t we both walk away happier?

That’s not selfishness.

That’s human connection!

And suddenly, all the pieces started falling into place.

I’ve been preaching participation in democracy.

But participation is bigger than politics.

Think about it.

In democracy, participation gives us a voice.

In our communities, participation creates connection.

In relationships, participation creates belonging.

And in life, participation opens the door to happiness.

It’s the same principle!

And the opposite is just as revealing.

What happens when we stop participating?

We become isolated.

We become disconnected.

We become spectators in our own lives.

We sit at home watching other people live.

We watch other people travel.

Other people fall in love.

Other people have adventures.

Other people change the world.

And we sit there scrolling through our phones, wondering why we’re not happier.

Well, maybe it’s because we’re watching the movie instead of being in it!

Life isn’t a spectator sport!

You’ve got to get in the game!

And you don’t have to run for mayor to do it.

You don’t have to start a political party.

You don’t have to interview a thousand people.

Just start a conversation.

Say hello to somebody.

Ask a question.

And here’s the important part.

Listen to the answer!

Not because you’re waiting for your turn to talk.

Listen because that person has lived an entire life you know absolutely nothing about.

They’ve had triumphs and tragedies.

They’ve fallen in love.

They’ve lost people.

They’ve made mistakes.

They’ve had extraordinary experiences.

And for a few minutes, they’re willing to share a little piece of that life with you.

What an incredible gift!

And all you had to do was ask.

Now, here’s something I never anticipated when I started this thousand-person interview project.

I started this project thinking I was going to interview a thousand people to find out how to make Greensboro a better place to live.

What I didn’t expect was that those thousand people would start making MY life better.

And here’s the beautiful part: I think we’re making each other’s lives better.

That’s the revelation.

I started out wanting to change Greensboro.

And somewhere along the way, Greensboro started changing me.

And I think that’s wonderful.

Because at 69 years old, after everything I’ve experienced, I’m still learning.

I’m still growing.

I’m still discovering things about myself.

And lately, when I get up in the morning, I find myself wondering:

Who am I going to meet today?

What extraordinary story am I going to hear?

What unexpected connection am I going to discover?

I don’t know!

And that’s what makes it so exciting!

Every day is an adventure.

Every stranger is a possibility.

Every conversation is an opportunity.

And here’s what I want you to understand.

I’m not saying I’ve figured out happiness for everybody.

I haven’t.

But I’ve discovered something that works for me.

And maybe, just maybe, there’s something here worth sharing.

Because I spent much of my life thinking happiness was something I had to earn, buy, or achieve.

At 69, I’m discovering that some of the happiest moments of my life are absolutely free.

And they happen when I stop thinking about myself and start becoming genuinely interested in somebody else.

Think about that.

The more attention I give away, the more happiness seems to come back.

What a remarkable return on investment!

Wall Street ought to study this!

And now I understand something about my political message that I didn’t fully appreciate before.

When I say, “Stop being spectators. Become citizens,” I’m talking about more than voting.

I’m talking about showing up.

Showing up for your community.

Showing up for your neighbors.

Showing up for people who need to be heard.

And most importantly, showing up for your own life.

Because here’s what I’ve learned.

You don’t have to be wealthy to live a rich life.

You don’t have to be famous to make a difference.

And you don’t have to know somebody for 20 years to make a meaningful connection.

Sometimes all it takes is breakfast with Willie.

So here’s my challenge to you.

Tomorrow, talk to somebody you don’t know.

Put down your phone.

Look them in the eye.

Ask them something about themselves.

And really listen.

You might discover something extraordinary about that person.

You might discover something extraordinary about yourself.

And who knows?

You might discover that they live with the pianist you met last night!

But whatever happens, you’ll have done something important.

You’ll have participated.

And that’s what this whole adventure has taught me.

Democracy works better when we participate.

Communities work better when we participate.

And for me, life is infinitely more rewarding when I participate.

So at 69 years old, I think I’ve finally figured out my own secret to happiness.

It’s not about what I own.

It’s not about how much money I make.

It’s not even about whether I become mayor.

It’s about the people I meet, the connections I make, and the experiences we share.

I spent 69 years looking for happiness in all sorts of places.

Turns out, it was sitting right next to me at the breakfast counter.

All I had to do was say hello.

Stop being a spectator.

Become a participant.

Because the greatest adventure of your life might begin with the next stranger you meet.