The Secret To Happiness

One Stranger. One Hour. One Magical Day.

By John Eagleton

I think I’ve discovered the secret to happiness.

And you’re not going to believe how simple it is.

Talk to strangers.

That’s it.

I’m 69 years old. I’ve been on this planet since 1957. I’ve lived through some extraordinary experiences. I’ve had successes, failures, marriages, divorces, children, grandchildren, careers, and three different cancers.

I’ve experienced some incredible highs and some pretty devastating lows.

And here I am, at 69 years old, having what I can only describe as the time of my life.

And I think I’ve finally figured out why.

It’s people.

It’s human connection.

And it’s the magic that happens when two complete strangers take a few minutes to get to know each other.

Let me tell you what happened today.

I woke up this morning feeling great.

I read some interesting political stories, wrote a couple of blogs, made some videos, and shared them with the world.

That’s become part of my daily routine.

I’m involved in politics, I’m running for mayor of Greensboro, and I’m working on a project to interview a thousand Greensboro residents.

I want to know what people think about their city.

What they like.

What they don’t like.

What they’d change.

And what they’d like Greensboro to become.

Four simple questions.

So today, after finishing my writing and videos, I headed downtown.

I met my friend Kyle at Chandler’s.

We had coffee, talked, shot some video, and had a wonderful time.

And then I walked outside.

And that’s when the magic happened.

I met a woman.

A complete stranger.

I’d never seen her before in my life.

I approached her and asked if she’d be willing to participate in my Greensboro interview project.

She said yes.

Now, understand, these interviews are supposed to be relatively short.

Four questions.

Five or ten minutes.

That’s the idea.

Well, let me tell you something.

An hour later, we were still talking.

An hour!

And this woman had one of the most fascinating life stories I’ve ever heard.

I mean, absolutely extraordinary.

And there I was, standing in downtown Greensboro, listening to this remarkable human being tell me about her life.

Somebody I didn’t even know existed an hour earlier.

Think about that.

Just sixty minutes before, we were complete strangers.

Our lives had never intersected.

We knew absolutely nothing about each other.

And suddenly, I was having one of the most interesting conversations I can remember.

And all because I asked a simple question.

“Would you mind talking to me?”

That’s it.

No elaborate introduction.

No special occasion.

No appointment.

Just two human beings willing to have a conversation.

And when it was over, I walked away thinking:

How many extraordinary people do we walk past every single day without ever knowing their stories?

Thousands?

Millions over the course of a lifetime?

Think about that for a minute.

Every person you pass on the sidewalk has lived an entire life that you know absolutely nothing about.

They’ve loved somebody.

They’ve lost somebody.

They’ve experienced happiness and heartbreak.

They’ve made mistakes.

They’ve overcome obstacles.

They’ve had dreams that came true and dreams that didn’t.

Every single one of them is carrying around a lifetime of experiences.

And most of us never bother to ask.

We just keep walking.

Now, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

I’ve been interviewing people for months.

And I’ve come to see human beings as onions.

That’s right.

Onions.

Everybody has layers.

The outside layer is the public persona.

It’s the person we want the world to see.

It’s our appearance, our clothes, our job, our political opinions, our social status.

But that’s not necessarily who we really are.

That’s just the packaging.

And when you start talking to somebody, something fascinating happens.

You begin peeling away those layers.

One question leads to another.

One answer leads to a story.

That story leads to another story.

And before you know it, you’re discovering things about somebody that you never could have imagined.

And sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get close to the core.

The real person.

The truth.

And that’s where the magic happens.

That’s what happened to me today.

I met a stranger.

And an hour later, I felt like I’d been given a gift.

The gift of hearing another human being’s story.

And you know what’s interesting?

I didn’t have to spend a dime.

I didn’t have to buy a ticket.

I didn’t have to travel halfway around the world.

I didn’t have to accomplish anything spectacular.

I just had to be curious.

And willing to listen.

Now, there’s something else I want to tell you.

I’m single.

I’m 69 years old.

And I believe that somewhere out there, there’s a woman I’m going to fall in love with.

A soulmate.

Somebody who wants to share this wonderful adventure called life.

And you know how I think I’m going to meet her?

Exactly the same way I met this woman today.

By talking to strangers.

Now, don’t misunderstand me.

I’m not saying this woman was my soulmate.

I’m saying that the opportunity to meet somebody extraordinary exists every single day.

And you never know when or where it’s going to happen.

Maybe it’ll be at a coffee shop.

Maybe it’ll be at a music festival.

Maybe it’ll be walking down Elm Street.

Maybe it’ll happen during one of my thousand interviews.

Who knows?

But here’s the most important part.

I’m not searching for happiness through another person.

I’m already happy.

I’m not walking around desperately trying to find somebody to complete my life.

My life already feels complete.

And if somebody wonderful comes along who wants to share it with me, that’s just icing on the cake.

That’s a pretty liberating feeling.

Because it means I can approach every person I meet without expectations.

I’m not trying to get something from them.

I’m not trying to impress them.

I’m not trying to convince them of anything.

I’m simply interested in who they are.

And that curiosity has opened up an entirely new world for me.

You know, I’ve spent my whole life asking one question.

Why?

Why do people think the way they do?

Why do they believe what they believe?

Why do they behave the way they behave?

I’ve always wanted to understand the truth.

Not somebody’s polished version of the truth.

The actual truth.

And what I’m discovering is that the best way to understand people is to talk to them.

And then listen.

Really listen.

Without judgment.

Without preconceived notions.

Without trying to finish their sentences.

Just let them tell you who they are.

And something wonderful happens.

You start seeing humanity differently.

People stop being categories.

They’re no longer Republicans or Democrats.

Rich or poor.

Young or old.

Black or white.

They’re human beings.

Individuals.

With stories.

With feelings.

With hopes.

With dreams.

And suddenly the world becomes a much more interesting place.

Now, here’s what really struck me this evening.

After all of this, I came home and sat down.

And I started thinking about my day.

The writing.

The videos.

Coffee with Kyle.

The people I met downtown.

And especially that extraordinary hour-long conversation with a woman I’d never met before.

And I thought:

Man, what a magical day.

And then something else occurred to me.

It seems like every day is becoming a magical day.

And that’s when I realized something.

Maybe happiness isn’t something you chase.

Maybe happiness is what happens when you stop chasing things and start experiencing life.

Maybe it’s not about what you own.

Or how much money you make.

Or how important people think you are.

Maybe it’s about how connected you feel to the world around you.

And maybe the easiest way to feel connected is simply to reach out to another human being.

So here’s my challenge.

Tomorrow, I want you to talk to one stranger.

Just one.

Find somebody sitting on a park bench.

Somebody having coffee.

Somebody standing in line.

Somebody walking down the street.

Smile.

Say hello.

Ask a question.

And if they’re willing to talk, listen.

Really listen.

You might discover something extraordinary.

You might make a friend.

You might learn something about the world.

You might even meet the love of your life.

Or maybe you’ll just have a wonderful five-minute conversation.

And that’s enough.

Because here’s what I’ve learned after 69 years on this planet.

The world is full of extraordinary people living ordinary lives.

And the only thing separating us from their stories is our willingness to say hello.

I’m John Eagleton.

I’m 69 years old.

And today I met a stranger who reminded me just how extraordinary life can be.

I don’t know who I’m going to meet tomorrow.

I don’t know what stories I’m going to hear.

And I don’t know where this adventure is going to take me.

But I can tell you one thing.

I can’t wait to find out.

Because I think I’ve finally discovered the secret to happiness.

And it was right in front of me all along.

Talk to strangers.

You never know what kind of magic is waiting on the other side of hello.