I’m beginning to notice a strange pattern in American sports.
Whenever President Trump shows up to support an American team, that team should immediately start warming up the backup quarterback, the relief pitcher, the substitute goalkeeper—and possibly an exorcist.
Let’s review the tape.
First, the Washington Nationals.
It’s Game 5 of the 2019 World Series. The Nationals are playing at home. The president arrives. He gets shown on the stadium screen. The crowd reacts with the warmth normally reserved for a parking ticket.
And the Nationals lose 7–1.
Now, they eventually won the World Series, but only after leaving Washington.
Apparently, the safest strategy was to get several hundred miles away from the president.
Then we have the Washington Commanders.
Trump attends their game against the Detroit Lions in 2025. Historic occasion—the first sitting president in nearly half a century to attend a regular-season NFL game.
The Commanders honor this historic moment by losing 44–22.
That wasn’t a football game. That was a congressional subpoena with shoulder pads.
Detroit scored so often the Secret Service started investigating the end zone.
Then came the New York Knicks.
The Knicks reach the NBA Finals. New York is excited. Madison Square Garden is alive. Trump arrives for Game 3.
And the Knicks lose.
You know things are bad when Knicks fans—people who have survived decades of disappointment—start saying:
“Could this evening possibly get any worse?”
And then the camera cuts to the luxury box.
Finally, the U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team.
We’re hosting the World Cup. The whole country is watching. Trump gets publicly involved in the controversy over an American player’s suspension.
The United States then plays Belgium—and loses 4–1, knocking us out of the tournament.
Four to one!
Belgium is a lovely country, but it’s roughly the size of Maryland.
Their principal exports are chocolate, beer and defeating the United States in international soccer.
At this point, I’m not saying Trump is causing these losses.
That would be ridiculous.
There is no scientific evidence that one man sitting in an expensive seat can alter the trajectory of a baseball, basketball, football or soccer ball.
But coaches are superstitious people.
They won’t change their socks during a winning streak.
They won’t step on the foul line.
They’ll wear the same underwear for six consecutive games.
So eventually, some coach is going to look into the stands, see Trump arriving and say:
“Everybody remain calm. We prepared for this.”
The stadium lights dim.
Emergency sirens begin.
A message appears on the scoreboard:
PRESIDENT DETECTED. INITIATE DEFENSIVE PROTOCOL.
The Knicks evacuate through the players’ tunnel.
The Commanders switch stadiums at halftime.
The Nationals charter a plane back to Houston.
And the soccer team immediately requests political asylum in Canada.
Maybe it’s all coincidence.
Maybe it’s selective memory.
Maybe we only notice the losses because they’re funny.
But the next time the United States reaches the championship game and President Trump says, “I’ll be there”—
the entire country should answer:
“Mr. President, we appreciate your support.
But have you considered watching from home?”
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